Rape: A History of Shame, Diary of the Survivors
A conversation between Aleksandra Rayska and Wiola Rębecka was recorded for their podcast Shameless (Bezwstydne) which they have been recording monthly for the last two years. The following is an excerpt of this conversation discussing Wiola’s new book, Rape: A History of Shame, Diary of the Survivors.
Aleksandra: Let's talk about your book. Please tell us about your book...
Wiola: I want to say thank you for the conversation and your willingness to discuss the book; I am fully aware that it’s an uneasy, challenging topic. Talking about sexual violence in itself is a challenge. My book, Rape: A History of Shame, Diary of the Survivors, is dedicated to the voices of war rape survivors being heard and embraced, as well as the people working in the field to support war rape survivors. Shame amongst trauma survivors can strongly hinder therapy, significantly when shame is perpetuated by cultural institutions. My book provides information about trauma one can experience after rape, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), transgenerational trauma, and War Rape Survivors' Syndrome.
A: Can you share with us your experience working with war rape survivors?
W: This collection of powerful stories include testimonies directly from war rape survivors worldwide. I have implemented individually-based open interviews and personal narratives to share with readers. To really change how we and societies understand rape-related experiences, especially during conflict and war, we need to listen to and value survivors' personal narratives and build an emotional connection with them during the process. When survivors share their life experiences, it is to be received as a privilege to be in the position of listening to their individual stories. I read something many years ago and while writing this book, I thought about this quote often – "listening is loving." So please, read each story with love.
My experience working with trauma and PTSD patients was my baseline utilized to assess interviewees' potential resistance to questions. I am a psychoanalyst with many years of training and experience working with trauma and PTSD. I am also a third-generation Holocaust-rape survivor impacted personally by transgenerational trauma.
This book was written with the hope of bringing more awareness of the consequences of rape, especially in areas of war and conflict. Every story demonstrates the longstanding implications of trauma, mostly from a social and psychological perspective, which may hopefully help counter the continued stigmatization that rape survivors face.
A: Why did you write this book?
W: I was moved to write this book as a result of my grandmother's experiences during the Holocaust. I can say that stories of physical torture, related to my grandma's poisonous injections during her concentration camp detainment, were well known in my family. However, her rape only surfaced accidentally when my grandma was struggling with stroke symptoms.
A: Tell us more, if you want to, about your family
W: The first stage of the grieving process is denial. Initially, I thought that my Grandma's statement about rape was connected to the physiological changes her brain experienced after an intense stroke. Later, I was thinking about psychiatric changes. I even invited my doctor friend to assess my grandma. The status was good.
I confronted myself with a painful truth: she admitted a previously unknown and pivotal experience. She was raped. I remember sitting with her in the hospital, holding her hand and listening as she recounted her story. A story about Russian soldiers who were there to liberate the concentration camp, who took advantage of her frail and weakened condition, and gang-raped her.
My grandma was mad when she was resuscitated after her stroke, and she asked me, "Why didn't you let me die?" She wanted to die. I tried to convince her that she has many reasons to be thankful that she is alive with passionate pleas. She responded, "I am so tired of living with this secret." After that statement, we never spoke about her rape again. After denying my grandma's experience and her words, I was shocked, then saddened. I consciously tried to forget what she shared with me. Grandma was never quite the same after her semiconscious confession. Yet, she managed to live a few years longer. When she passed, I felt relieved.
I knew that she was no longer holding back her trauma in silence anymore. Speaking about sexual violence is a challenge itself. Talking about sexual violence during war is almost impossible. As mental health professionals, we don't know how to work and support war rape survivors. It is difficult for many of us to see and understand the deepness of the complex trauma, PTSD, War Rape Survivors' Syndrome, and transgenerational trauma aftermath.
A: Is there anything else you would like to add?
W: Sometimes we focus only on symptoms that we need to help remove from the client's lives, which can stem from events such as a painful childhood or having broken relationships. When we are working with survivors it is a different story; we need to see much more and in a much more profound manner. Additionally, I already know from the various data that complex trauma brings long-term consequences, even at the epigenetic level. Something for providers to consider should be that depression, psychosomatic illnesses, and addictions could be related to the effects of unresolved traumatic/rape-related experiences across generations. What we know about our own ancestors and their traumatic events is primarily related to the war zones. What did we know about the client's ancestors and their skeletons in the closet? I would like to invite our therapeutic society to more courageously explore unresolved trauma. We are all together, in this boat.
Wiola Rebecka is a credentialed psychoanalyst IPA, alumna member of WTCI, and author of the project and book, Rape: A History Of Shame. She is a feminist, human rights activist, and therapist with over 23 years of clinical experience working with trauma, PTSD, War Rape Survivors Syndrome, and transgenerational trauma. Her new book is just out!
Aleksandra Rayska, PhD received her degree in clinical psychology from the City University of New York. She is also a graduate of the WTCI training program. Drawing on her previous professional life as a dance movement therapist, Dr. Rayska writes about the relationship between the mind and the body and works with patients to strengthen their awareness and experience of this connection.